Wednesday 4 June 2014

Your needs stop weed-cutting!

We all have them, we sometimes deny them, but ultimately they are there. In a world where self-help books are the new go-to’s and immediate gratification takes priority over most things; one would think that my needs would matter. You know, that I’d be aware of them. But the truth is that needs are the deeply hidden parts of the ice-berg, and what you actually see aren’t my needs – what you see is my behaviour.

I’m sure you’ve heard it before, ‘the ice-berg theory’, but if not, let me give you a quick overview. The Ice-berg is YOU J and what we, as humans, see in others is only the tip of the iceberg (the 10% above the water) and that happens to be our behavior or actions. Based on this minuscular view of YOU, that I am given, I make assumptions, as do you about me. Now because the world get to see and judge this 10%, it makes perfect sense as to why we all feel the need to ensure it’s giving the right impression. The problem is, that your behavior is dependent on the 90% of YOU that lies under the water, the part that no-one sees. As long we focus on changing and addressing the external part of ourselves and not the root of this behavior, we set ourselves up for failure.

If all you’re seeing is 10% of whom I am, then where is the rest of me?? And wouldn’t it make sense to invest more time on that part??

{Huge sigh of relief} - I am SO glad that you asked!! 

Of course it would!!! All behavior is merely an expression of what’s going on under the surface. So what is down there??

The psychological model states that it’s a combination of values, needs, thoughts, emotions and beliefs. Most of us address only our behavior (bad habit) and try to change it, which put simply is like ‘cutting a weed on ground level’. And we all know what happens then…it remains hidden just long enough for us to believe it’s been dealt with, until one day it reappears in full bloom. The only way to get rid of weeds is to pull them out from the root up. And it’s the same with addressing our behavior and bad habits - go down to the roots and do the work there, as THAT is where it all begins.

Recently I have found that I am constantly self-coaching myself in this regard. I see a behaviour, pattern or bad habit I don’t like, and instead of merely stopping it, and feeding myself with negative self talk (knowing it will just reappear in a few days time); I, instead, dig a little deeper. It’s never an easy thing to go through but if I can find the root, then I know that I am saving myself years of ineffective weed-cutting. I recently attended a training day where I was given access to a new coaching tool, which has taught me how to dig that much deeper. How to get access to my ‘why’ (the reason behind my behaviour) and to then address the need for what is it, rather than the behavior I am seeing.

Weed-cutting or trying to break a bad habit, behavior or thought pattern without knowing from where’s it comes, may feel like you doing something about it, but ultimately you are just setting yourself up for more work later on.

Get to those roots my friends…digging deep pays off J 

Here’s to LOVING the life you live & the YOU that lives that life!!

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