Life is to be lived, not controlled!!

One of the things I was warned about time and time again while preparing for my EPIK (English Program in Korea) Skype interview in 2012, was that they would ask me how flexible I am, i.e – Are you ok with last minute planning; and that I needed to convince them that I was. Now being that this was the second time I was asked this question in a job interview, the first being when I applied for an internship at my Church in 2010, I had my answer pretty well worked out…but did I believe it?? Not so much!!

I am one of those painfully organised type. I get things done way too far in advance, and drive others mad by making them feel as if there’re always falling behind, which for the most part, they’re not. All I can say is that that’s how God made me. Ok, maybe it was that, and then a whole lotta other decisions and mile stones in my life that led me here. But basically my point is, I’m organised, and by organised I mean as anti-last-minute as you get.

And so…arriving in a country, Korea {as foreign to me as you get}, a nation who embrace last minute like we do being on time back home, has taught me wonders….and created many a grey hair too!!

Although there have been many moments when last-minute-plans have caught me off guard and at times, even brought with them the odd spring of tears, I have learnt a lesson that I will hold dear for the remainder of my life. And that is, to let go of the things you cannot control.

It’s easy to organize your life according to priorities, to schedule, to plan, but there comes a time when certain elements remain out of your hands, and your placing expectations on them only add to your worries. The art of letting go is a swift and freeing as the words sound exiting your mouth.

For one…there are elements of your future which are 100% in your control, embrace those…but then there are those other factors, the ones that depended on external factors. And it’s these that I have learnt, the hard way, are not worth hours of worrying.

So…you are like me and think this whole ‘letting go of things you can’t control’ thing may be the answer to a lot of your unnecessary baggage…but where do you begin?

Here are 3 simple steps that got me started on developing my “letting go” habit…

1.   Write a list of the things that are currently worrying you {ie: taking up unnecessary thought time}

2.   Now…take some time to write next to each item on your list whether the outcome of this “thing” causing you to stress, is in your control, or not.

3.   Learn to acknowledge things for what they are!!! This simply means, once you’ve written these words down {out of my control}, allow those four little words to free you up!!!! When I say ‘free you up’, I mean up there in your busy mind. Allow yourself to let go, to do the part you can, and then to simply let it BE!!

This process is something that initially needs to be done on paper, weekly, if not daily….but over time habits develop, and it is my hope that you {and me too} will develop this habit of letting go of things that are out of our control and learning to live here, today, in this moment!!!

Creating a dream inventory...

Today, I have a follow up post for you all about YOU and your dreams...

"It's been easy, for years, to throw out the words, 'My dream is...' but truth be told, this was just the easy way out. The vaguer my dreams were, the less pressure there was to pursue them and with that, less chance of failure. Vagueness allowed me to be safe, but it also meant years of working towards an undefined dream, basically a blurred vision." I encourage you to read the rest of this {the first of two} blog posts here...

Now, that you understand the importance of letting go of 'vague' and embracing your dreams head on...let's jump right into it!!

Let's start with our dream inventory... 

Grab a cuppa tea {or glass of wine}, get your journal out {or laptop} - and let's dig into YOU and your dreams!! {Click here to download your FREE Printable for today's Dream Inventory}

Close your eyes and really think about your dreams. Not the dreams you had as a kid, but the ones that burn deep within you today!! The one’s that make you smile just thinking of them. Those ones!! 

Now, write them down. Be as specific and detailed as your dreams allow you to be!! And give your self some space and freedom to reflect on these dreams - This is good time for journalling or thinking, whatever works best for you. Emotions are healthy, let them rise up, express them and let them go. They need to run their course in order for you to feel at peace again.

Now, which of these dreams stand out, which do you possibly need to let go of as they wouldn't lead you in the direction you are wanting to go, and mostly which make your heart sing?? Continue journalling, or reflecting on these thoughts!!

And now it's time to claim these dreams for YOU!! Claiming your dreams doesn't mean you need to run out of your office, or home, and shout them to the world, not at all; dreams are meant only to be shared with those who will protect them. Claiming your dreams means that you write them out beautifully and stick them somewhere you can see them every day. It means sharing them with your loved ones and possibly for the first time, giving a more detailed account of the direction your life is heading in and why. It means possibly sharing with someone how you are letting go of certain things you once thought were dreams but really don't fit within your life vision at all. It means getting real and honest, and being intentional with moving towards these dreams rather than moving in an undefined sort of way towards what you 'think' you want.

In order to pursue the dreams that make your heart sing, and be so sure of them that VERY little can stand between you and making these dreams a reality; you will need courage and surety that this is the life vision you choose for yourself. Choose today what stays, and what go's - it will not only give you courage to start running in the direction of your dreams, but it will also give you the freedom to let go of past supposed-dreams {dealing with the emotions that come with that} and that way not setting yourself up for failure.

Know your dreams, claim your dreams…and start pursuing your dreams!!

Need help putting a plan in place in order to take you from where you are at today to where you DREAM of being??

CLICK BELOW to book your FREE trial session with me, where we'll spend some time reflecting on you and your dreams, and setting 3 inspiring goals that will help get you closer to achieving those dreams!! 

CLICK BELOW  if this whole 'dream' thing really throws you, and you're desperate for someone to walk this road with you in discovering what makes you come alive and how you can start pursuing that on a daily basis :)

I’m feeling the love!

With Valentines Day approaching, I thought I’d do something a little different and run my first-ever Giveaway!! This giveaway is for anyone, worldwide, and includes a FREE Life Coaching ‘Goal Setting for 2014’ skype session!! 

Yes, you heard right, a FREE full-hour session, for you to reflect on 2013 and spend some time brainstorming with me, as I guide you through a goal setting process, landing you with some inspiring, exciting goals for the year ahead!!

To enter, Log onto my facebook page HERE, and like & share my giveaway J

2014 Bucket List Printable...

With 2014 being only 1 sleep away {yippee}…I thought I’d share a FREE little ‘2014 Bucket List’ Printable with you.

Click here to download the girl’s version…

OR

Click here to download the boy's version...

PS – Want a peak at what my 2014 Bucket List looks like?? Sign up on my website for email updates and you’ll get a peak at my Bucket List for next year as well as receive a FREE “Tips for starting your own business” E-book early in the new year!!

Finally…have you set your goals for 2014 yet??? Needing some inspiration and direction – click here to find out more about my Rise & Shine {Making 2014 your best year yet} Workshop on the 8^th Feb!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR…

Rise & Shine Goal-Setting Workshop - Making 2014 your best year yet!!

It's that time of year again....when we start reflecting on the past year, and planning, wishing and dreaming for the year ahead.

New years’ resolutions are something of the past. We have all tried…and failed miserably. So this year, instead of watching as you set yourself up for failure, again, why not join me for a 2.5 hour workshop where I will help you set achievable, measurable goals for 2014, keeping in mind your ideal life balance as well as what it would mean for 2014 to be your best year yet!!

What will we cover?

- Reflection time on the past year and all the lessons you’ve learnt

- Create a vision for the year ahead

- Define your ideal life ‘balance’

- Learn how to set goals the right way {SMART goals}

- Set some inspiring goals for 2014

Price:

30 000 per person/ 50 000 per couple

Included in the price:

-       Inspiring goal-setting workbook

-       1 follow up email per month for the entire year of 2014

Date: Saturday, 8th February

Time: 9am – 11:30am 

Venue: Gwangju (exact venue to be announced)

CLICK HERE to get onto my ‘Rise & Shine’ mailing list and find out how to book

 your space for this EXCITING workshop!!! 

Your brain wants you to achieve your goals...

Setting and achieving goals is a great way for you to take ownership of your life...and your brain will thank you for it!!

Those who don't set goals, and rather work with vague plans, tend to rob themselves from the feeling of 'achievement'. Yes, they avoid a sense of failure too, but the great thing about working towards a goal, is that it usually inspires us, to get up and start again even when we fail miserably at something. 

Why is this???

While working towards a goal, our brains produce a chemical called dopamine. Dopamine acts as a motivator towards our goals - it basically creates a sense of pleasure in our brains, whenever we achieve something. Now, for example, although your ultimate goal may be to run a half marathon, each time you go out on a training run, you gain a sense of achievement, thus causing the production of dopamine. Dopmine thus pushes us towards achievement - it's our brains way of affirming our desire for achievement. 

On the other hand, unfortunately, there are obviously things that cause our brains to fight against our goals too. 

Here are some of those 'problem areas' & some ideas as to how to get your brain on track with your goals:

Problem 1: You set unrealistic goals

This then causes you to become stressed, thus producing adrenalin. Adrenalin although awesome (I'm a fan of that fast heart-rate feeling) is not all that positive on your mood as it cause intense feelings of tension.

What can I do: Set SMART goals, thus reducing stress and tension-type feelings!!

• Specific – Target a specific area for improvement. Don't give 1 goal too many facets!!
• Measurable – How will you know when this goal is accomplished?
• Attainable – Are you willing to make this commitment & make the necessary changes to your life?
• Realistic – Are you physically and mentally able to achieve this goal?
• Time-frame — Specify when the goal will be achieved. Set a deadline!

Problem 2: You allow yourself to fantasize 

As much as visualization is important (I'm all for it), it's also essential to remain realistic and to focus on the task at hand. 

What can I do: Keep a level head. Be realistic about your actual capabilities  while still remaining positive. Keep at your goal, and don't allow your brain to tell you that you are closer to achieving the goal, than you actually are!!



Problem 3: You spend far too much time focusing on the difficult parts of the goal

Goals are supposed to be challenging and so YES, you have every right to be slightly overwhelmed at first...BUT you cannot allow yourself to set up camp here.

What can I do: Write a list of the things that worry you about the goal, and now be proactive in finding ways to address these problems. If it helps to keep a diary, write a schedule or see a Life Coach - then DO this to help you stay on track with your goal, and AWAY from negative thinking!!


Problem 4: One slip-up and it's OVER

It's SO normal to accidentally, or intentionally, eat an extra slice of pizza when you know you shouldn't, or fail to practice your violin, when you are supposed to spend 2 hours a day on it. The problem here comes in when we make a mistake and then allow our brains to YELL "Abandon ship...it's all over!!"

What can I do: Again, ensure your goal is realistic (SMART model) and that you are not trying to overcome fate. If this isn't the case, then when those moments reveal themselves, instead of giving up, quickly remind yourself of the progress you have already made. Name your successes thus far, give yourself the credit you are due - this way, you will trick your brain back into 'achievement' mode and thus producing dopamine instead of ugly tension causing chemicals :)



Finally...

Goals set properly allow us the privilege of working towards something tangible and thus giving ourselves access to the feeling of 'success'. Those who don't set goals, will seldom have a chance to feel the joy of succeeding in something. 

The cool thing with success is that each of us has our own standards for this word...our own understanding of what this looks like. And when we reach it, we tend to feel somewhat satisfied and thus positively feed and develop our self image. 

Although success or goal setting won't make you happy in the long-run (happiness is an internal thing, not determined by external factors), it will definitely help you move in a positive direction. And that's worth something right?? I mean who doesn't want to be moving forward in life, rather than plodding??

Lastly, success tends to feed success. We all delight in happy hormones - and thus dopamine production causes us to want to achieve more, and thus get this feeling of elation again :)

Go out there and shine happy humans :):) 

10 ways to keep perspective!!

Like balance, perspective is something we all hope to maintain, but often stumble in our attempts at this..

It's so easy to get sucked into a situation, a job, a lifestyle. It's so easy to get lost in the day-to-day tasks and to forget the bigger picture. It's so easy to forfeit our vision, for something a bit more tangible, even if it's 'just for today'. Its so easy to let go of perspective and to replace it with immediate gratification.

This past weekend held two significant eye-openers for me, in terms of perspective.

I've always loved hiking. The adrenalin, sweat and endorphins all play their part in this love, but one of the things I love most about summiting a mountain, is perspective. On Saturday, when we reached the summit of Wolchusan (in Korea), I got a feeling that is so far from foreign to me, yet still as refreshing as ever. Looking down on the town below, so small and yet encompassing thousands of lives, dreams, fears and joys, does something to ones soul. Being above it all, outside of it all, helps you to separate yourself from the worries down there and view them, from up here. Here, it is safe, there is no one to hurt you, no fear to overwhelm you. Here, it's ok to forget, forgive, to cherish and to celebrate. Here it's easy to separate yourself from daily stresses and to focus instead on the beauty that surrounds you. Here, it's easy to breathe!

Yesterday, I watched a 'space-type' movie (usually not my thing) but there were parts of this movie that took my little hiking-perspective theory and gave it wings to fly!! I watched through the camera lens, as earth became a small blue and white ball, and I was once again reminded of how far 'perspective' can take us. Seeing the world from the top of a mountain is one thing, but seeing it from space...well that's a whole 'nother level of perceptive. From there it's not just easy to forgive and forget, it's easy to let go. It's easy to see the bigger picture, earth as a whole. Your day becomes more than just to-do lists, it becomes mankind working together to maintain and protect this beautiful blue & white ball that we call 'home'.

I understand that life can engulf you, it can swallow you and with no time to think, you find yourself on a downward spiral. What I'm here to remind you of today, is that perspective can, with the blink of an eye, pull you out of this dark space and into the light. Perspective helps us to become grateful again, it helps us see the light at the end of the tunnel, it helps us take our eyes off ourselves, and to see the world or a situation for what it is.

Perspective requires from us, to remove yourself from all that life 'is' right now, and to breathe.

10 ways to help you keep perspective...

View all

Get your own

Perspective is a beautiful thing...and you will likely discover that the space that provides you with perspective, will often be a safe space for you. A space where you can heal, where you can be real. A space where no one can hurt you, a space where just being you, is enough.

In my husband and my journey in making a recent big life decision, we came face-to-face with the attraction of putting down roots where it is safe, where you are free from criticism and rejection, where responsibility is fleeting...but what we realized, is that mountains are for climbing, not for dwelling.

Yes, life brings with it challenges, hurt and burdens to carry, all things that our 'safe spaces' protect us from, but life is also full of joys, relationships, dreams and successes all of which require you to live in the present, to be here, now!! What we have learnt is that to embrace this life full force we need to make mistakes, to dream, to build relationships, to take on responsibility...but all the while remembering the mountain. 

Remembering that perspective isn't only a momentary gift, it is essential in living a healthy balanced life.

Secrets to a more effective 'To Do List'

Many avoid them, others swear by them…

As much as ‘to-do’ lists work for some, and not for others, there’s an element about them that is unmistakably effective…and that is, that once on paper – your mind is free to focus on what matters now, and not on the million things you need to get done today, this week, this year!.

I can guarantee you that if you ask 5 people that you consider to be successful, how they start their day – the likelihood of them writing a to-do list would be high up there!

Here are some ‘To do List ’ tips, with the aim of helping you not only write it all down but to learn to prioritize too: 

To Do List Tips:

l  Start your day with getting out a piece of paper/ opening a new word document.

l  Write a list of all that you need to accomplish today

l  Read through your list again and highlight all that HAS to be accomplished today (not tomorrow).

l  Put the highlighted items in order of importance (we are usually most vigilant and less distracted in the morning, so prioritizing time to get the important things done first will save you time later in the day for more menial tasks), leave the remainder of things to do (this week) at the bottom of the list.

l  Give each item a time limit and ensure they are measureable. (ie: Do minutes for AGM. = Type out minutes for AGM and send off to board members by 11am)

l  Give the remaining items a deadline. (Take the dog for its injections - by Wednesday).

l  Once your list is complete – schedule in breaks. (Yes, it is legal to have scheduled breaks in your work day). Only you know when you are most likely to start procrastinating, so set time aside to do whatever it is you do, while procrastinating. Keep it to a maximum of 15minutes, as that way you can have numerous breaks throughout the day. Once that time is set into your day, you’ll find you are less likely to demand of time scheduled for other things.

Be realistic: ONLY you know how much you can really accomplish in one day!!

The Happiness Project!!

“A 21day Group-coaching Program aimed at getting you started on rewiring your mind into thinking more positively”.               

 ...........................

Psychologists have proved it. Some fight it. We LIVE it….. I call it - the Happiness dilemma.

What is the happiness dilemma??

It has been proven that more than half of society still believe that their happiness is determined by external factors; money, relationships, success, when in fact internal factors play a far larger role in sustaining happiness. Positive Psychologist & Harvard Professor, Shawn Achor has done extensive research on this notion and it is around his research that this course was created.

So, what comes first – happiness or success?

As Shaun points out “Most people follow this formula: if you work harder, you will be more successful, and then you will be happy. This formula is scientifically backward. A decade of research shows that training your brain to be positive first actually fuels greater success second.”

The thing with success is that we tend to move the goalposts every time we achieve something, that way always making ‘happiness’ just out of our reach.

So how exactly do we reverse this formula?

Well, according to science and research, happiness is a result of the way that your mind processes things! Put simply, when we feed ourselves with average thoughts, we become ‘average people’.

Living with the notion that you were created with a certain personality, characteristics and set of circumstances that may limit your capacity for constant happiness, is what is referred to as “settling”; settling for a life that is comfortable, expected of you and requires little from you – a life that is actually way below your standards, your design, your talents and your deeply rooted dreams. And it’s that notion that we will be diving into in this course!!

What this course will propose is - ‘WHAT IF’?

-       What if it were possible to rewire the way your mind processes things?

-       What if it were possible to break the habit of negative thinking?

-       What if you were willing to start investing more of your time & energy on the internal you, and not so much on the external you?

Why 21 days??

Well, it is said to take 21 days to create or break a habit, and according to positive psychology, it can take 21 days to start the process of rewiring our brains to think more positively.So, 21 days it will be :)

How will it work?

It’s simple really. A habit is said to be made, or broken, in 21 days. We will attempt to include some new habits in your day-to-day living, and in the process of doing this, start rewiring the way your minds work.

We begin the course with a face-to-face session, where I explain how the course will run, what inspired me to create it as well as presenting you with your comprehensive workbook which you will work through on your own over the 21 days. As of that day, you begin implementing the 5 Happiness Habits into your daily life and you journal all this in your workbook.

The course includes 4 face-to-face group sessions, including the first intro session. Session usually take place at 7pm on a week day evening; however this can be altered according to the groups schedule. The face-to-face group sessions include accountability in terms of the workbook you are filling in, as well as weekly coaching activities.

And finally, to keep you inspired, you will also receive a daily email (from me), including little positivity-inspired challenges, links to inspiring ted-talks and general accountability for the full 21 days.

Do I believe that a simple 21 day course will create lasting happiness? NO, I’m not that unrealistic…but I do know, that there are most definitely certain characteristics of the way positive people think, that do indeed make their lives that much ‘happier’.

Who is this course aimed at?

    - All those who are needing a little nudge in terms of their general positivity levels.

    - Anyone who is up for a challenge, or 5, and is determined to see change take place in their lives. 

    - Those who are determined to get ahead in life…to turn their backs on average living and to rewire their minds to think like a ‘happy’ person :)

Your investment:

The cost of this 21 day program is R500 per client. This price is inclusive of 4 face-to-face group sessions, a comprehensive workbook as well as daily emails there to encourage you to get the most out of this program.

Sounds like just the thing for me! Where do I sign up??

YAY!!! I’m SO excited for you to join me on this adventure, in finding out how to make small changes in your life that will not only make you happier but more self aware and self assured too!!

Next session starts:  

Monday, 2nd June 2014 in Kloof, KZN, South Africa. Sessions will take place in the evenings from 7pm - 8pm. (ONLY 10 spots available). Follow this link to sign up for more information on how to book your spot!! J