Why I am over taking things personally....and YOU should be too!!

You know that feeling, when you literally sigh with relief after finding out that others also do/think/feel that ‘strange’ thing you do/think/feel.  Kinda like, when I quite-literally sighed with relief after getting my hands on “The five love languages” book – at last it all made sense. Him. Me. Our language. I got it!!

Well along these lines, this past month of May, has been one long sigh of relief for me…and it all centered around ‘my needs’. Yes, my needs. I said it aloud – is that even allowed??

You see for years I, along with most of the world (I feel), have had feelings that simply don’t go away. Certain actions done by others, or situations or a bunch of ugly circumstances often cause me to go into what I call, “My safe space – that’s really not safe at all”. To deal with ‘uncomfortable’, we rely on emotions (which turn into actions) that come naturally to us, and those then dictate how our day, week, or even month will turn out. So someone upsets you, you get sad – and you often take it one step further, and make it personal. Or something you organized doesn’t go as planned and you turn it back on yourself and reinforce all the negative things you believe about yourself already. Or worse still, a problem presents itself that doesn’t appear to have a solution, and so you get frustrated. And it doesn’t go away. And then, you turn that frustration inwards.

This month, for me, was all about networking. I can officially say that I haven’t passed-by one opportunity to meet with mentors in my industry, brainstorm with other creatives & business owners, attend training days and even small conferences. This month, I got out there. And if there is one thing (that for some or other reason) kept creeping into every meeting I had, it was this idea of “needs”.

We all have them. Different but similar. The problem is that, for the most part, we don’t acknowledge our needs and instead we turn to emotions that come naturally to us, and we turn every situation inwards. {I.e: I want to feel valued, but someone did something that made me feel under-valued, I thus turn to angry. I am now angry. Value has nothing to do with this. I AM ANGRY}

But truth be told, it’s not all about you….well, not in the way you think. 

We are all born with a certain set of basic needs. Then, through a mixture of upbringing, personality and choices, we start to form agreements with certain thoughts or ideas, and those become the truths we live by. The thing is, those are your truths, and may not be mine. As soon as we start to see a person’s behavior, speech and ideas in isolation (i.e: according to their belief system they think this is right/wrong), we free ourselves from taking things personally. To take something personally is to admit that we all have the same belief system, agreements/thoughts – which is impossible. I say and do things that protect my needs, you say and do things that protect yours. OURS are different. To take something personally is to submit to someone else’s agreements (what they feel is right/wrong), and yet for the most part – you don’t.

It is an art to start to see people’s behaviour and words from where’s they came, and to not take them on as our own. By reflecting on why a certain person may have felt the need to behavior or act in such a way, you are able to free yourself up from self-judgment and make it ‘their issue and not yours’. I am not saying that everything everyone says should be said, but that’s their journey (their set of truths they live by) and it’s their responsibility to deal or challenge those beliefs; it’s not for you to take on.

My little month of ‘needs’ didn’t stop at “not taking things personally”, it went further, deeper. I was given access to a coaching tool that digs into the reason behind your frustration, anger, disappointment, PROBLEM and I have seen incredible results through using this tool with clients and on myself…but that is for next week 

J

May you be empowered today, to see each set of actions or words spoken by both yourself and others, as mere expressions of their/your personal agreements (thoughts) and thus not for anyone else to take personally. It is freeing, and I am working on it, alongside you.

Multi-tasking...vice or virtue??

One of the buzz words amongst psychologists and life coaches for 2013 and definitely running into 2014 is “mindfulness”. Simply put, Mindfulness means “being aware”.

In this fast moving, chaotic world where it’s probable that by the time you’ve bought your new Iphone the next model is already being released, it’s no wonder that people are feeling overwhelmed, overworked, vague and forgetful. The truth is that we were never meant to focus on twenty things at once. It is not in our design to multi-task (at least not as much as we currently are) and it sure doesn't have any long term benefits on our way of life, work standards or even brains.  

Forgetfulness is often blamed on age (which of course plays a part) but for the most part, the reason you walk into a room and forget why you’re there, is due to one cause and one cause only. Multi-tasking. What was previously considered a behavioral characteristic of the ‘successful’ is now seen as an easy excuse for getting a lot done, badly.

Mindfulness, minus all the new-age chatter, is a simple concept teaching us to slow down. To slow down and to focus on what we do, think, eat, feel, how we behave and even how we relate to others. To be mindful, is to be awakened. It is to tune in.

Mindfulness may sound heavy, but in truth it’s freeing and oh-so-easy to start applying to your life.

3 tips to try today that will move you towards a more mindfulness YOU…

#1 – Set aside 10 minutes at the start of your work day, to focus. Rather than arriving at work and getting caught up in tasks with little planning, still yourself for 10 minutes

#2 – Cut down on multitasking – this doesn’t mean cut it out completely, but rather try to really focus on the task at hand, this way giving each activity the time the task deserves. Doing this exercise three times a day, will help you zone in on what needs to be done and in turn you will find that you get more done, more effectively.

#3 – Sit down when you eat. This is not a hard and fast rule, but it definitely plays a role in helping us be more mindful of what’s going into our bodies and why. Eating for what your body needs and not merely out of habit, boredom or emotionally driven will help you control your weight and feel more in touch with what your body needs and how it feels.