Inspired for more - Gorgeous pics of this Durbs event!!

Two Saturdays ago I hosted a lovely morning {Inspired for more} for young business owners in the greater Durbs area. The heart behind the event, was two-fold:

Number 1...

I wanted to inspire girls who have taken the BIG, brave step of following their dreams and starting their own ‘thing’ with some practical tips and coaching tools.

Number 2...

I wanted them to have a chance to meet other inspiring creative business owners; network a bit and basically just be reminded that they are not alone in this venture to create something sustainable, successful and beautiful!

After making cappuccinos and small talk, we started the morning off with some inspiration & ice-breakers. And where better to be inspired and to let-go-a-little than sitting cross-legged on the grass, barefoot and beautiful! We had such fun finding out a little about each other, after which I ran a fun activity where we all got to tap into the ‘why’ behind our business. I am a firm believer that clients buy into your ‘why’, and not your ‘what’, so before we jumped into what they all did, I thought it worthwhile to zone in on WHY they do what they do. 

{It's so easy to forget why you doing what you are doing, and in that, to lose passion} 

So this activity got us on our feet, thinking, chatting & I even added in a little creative garden hunt to meet the needs of these creative minds J {You can read all about my passion for the ‘why’ behind your business here}

After some garden-inspirational-time, we made our way back up to the house, where we indulged in both healthy & yummy breakfast niceties, more coffee of course and plenty chatter.

With full bellies we dived into our next activity which involved working through a simple but oh-so-effective coaching exercise where I walked the girls through a process that helps to visually reveal where your time {business-wise} is currently being spent, and then to do some reassessing and goal setting around this exercise. We all had little worksheets, which we filled in and {fingers-crossed} were able to take home and put these ideas from paper into practice.

Finally, the morning ended with some networking time, intentional conversations, and swopping of business cards all the while nibbling on delicious brownies sponsored by Liquorice Gourmet.

PS - Special thanks to Desiree Dales for taking these gorgeous pics!!

If you missed out on this event, please don’t fret as…as-of August I will be running monthly networking brekkies, for young, dynamic business owners!! The morning will include an early light breakfast, an active business coaching exercise and then a guest speaker will be presenting on work/ideas from her business – this could be YOU.  These mornings will be ALL about time to build your network, meet other inspiring business owners, grow your company through coaching exercises, goal-set & ultimately remind you why you love what you do!! 

Sign up to be the first to know when these monthly-meet-ups begin

x C

Your needs matter...so stop weed-cutting!

We all have them, we sometimes deny them, but ultimately they are there. In a world where self-help books are the new go-to’s and immediate gratification takes priority over most things; one would think that my needs would matter. You know, that I’d be aware of them. But the truth is that needs are the deeply hidden parts of the ice-berg, and what you actually see aren’t my needs – what you see is my behaviour.

I’m sure you’ve heard it before, ‘the ice-berg theory’, but if not, let me give you a quick overview. The Ice-berg is YOU J and what we, as humans, see in others is only the tip of the iceberg (the 10% above the water) and that happens to be our behavior or actions. Based on this minuscular view of YOU, that I am given, I make assumptions, as do you about me. Now because the world get to see and judge this 10%, it makes perfect sense as to why we all feel the need to ensure it’s giving the right impression. The problem is, that your behavior is dependent on the 90% of YOU that lies under the water, the part that no-one sees. As long we focus on changing and addressing the external part of ourselves and not the root of this behavior, we set ourselves up for failure.

If all you’re seeing is 10% of whom I am, then where is the rest of me?? And wouldn’t it make sense to invest more time on that part??

{Huge sigh of relief} - I am SO glad that you asked!! 

Of course it would!!! All behavior is merely an expression of what’s going on under the surface. So what is down there??

The psychological model states that it’s a combination of values, needs, thoughts, emotions and beliefs. Most of us address only our behavior (bad habit) and try to change it, which put simply is like ‘cutting a weed on ground level’. And we all know what happens then…it remains hidden just long enough for us to believe it’s been dealt with, until one day it reappears in full bloom. The only way to get rid of weeds is to pull them out from the root up. And it’s the same with addressing our behavior and bad habits - go down to the roots and do the work there, as THAT is where it all begins.

Recently I have found that I am constantly self-coaching myself in this regard. I see a behaviour, pattern or bad habit I don’t like, and instead of merely stopping it, and feeding myself with negative self talk (knowing it will just reappear in a few days time); I, instead, dig a little deeper. It’s never an easy thing to go through but if I can find the root, then I know that I am saving myself years of ineffective weed-cutting. I recently attended a training day where I was given access to a new coaching tool, which has taught me how to dig that much deeper. How to get access to my ‘why’ (the reason behind my behaviour) and to then address the need for what is it, rather than the behavior I am seeing.

Weed-cutting or trying to break a bad habit, behavior or thought pattern without knowing from where’s it comes, may feel like you doing something about it, but ultimately you are just setting yourself up for more work later on.

Get to those roots my friends…digging deep pays off J 

Here’s to LOVING the life you live & the YOU that lives that life!!

Why I am over taking things personally....and YOU should be too!!

You know that feeling, when you literally sigh with relief after finding out that others also do/think/feel that ‘strange’ thing you do/think/feel.  Kinda like, when I quite-literally sighed with relief after getting my hands on “The five love languages” book – at last it all made sense. Him. Me. Our language. I got it!!

Well along these lines, this past month of May, has been one long sigh of relief for me…and it all centered around ‘my needs’. Yes, my needs. I said it aloud – is that even allowed??

You see for years I, along with most of the world (I feel), have had feelings that simply don’t go away. Certain actions done by others, or situations or a bunch of ugly circumstances often cause me to go into what I call, “My safe space – that’s really not safe at all”. To deal with ‘uncomfortable’, we rely on emotions (which turn into actions) that come naturally to us, and those then dictate how our day, week, or even month will turn out. So someone upsets you, you get sad – and you often take it one step further, and make it personal. Or something you organized doesn’t go as planned and you turn it back on yourself and reinforce all the negative things you believe about yourself already. Or worse still, a problem presents itself that doesn’t appear to have a solution, and so you get frustrated. And it doesn’t go away. And then, you turn that frustration inwards.

This month, for me, was all about networking. I can officially say that I haven’t passed-by one opportunity to meet with mentors in my industry, brainstorm with other creatives & business owners, attend training days and even small conferences. This month, I got out there. And if there is one thing (that for some or other reason) kept creeping into every meeting I had, it was this idea of “needs”.

We all have them. Different but similar. The problem is that, for the most part, we don’t acknowledge our needs and instead we turn to emotions that come naturally to us, and we turn every situation inwards. {I.e: I want to feel valued, but someone did something that made me feel under-valued, I thus turn to angry. I am now angry. Value has nothing to do with this. I AM ANGRY}

But truth be told, it’s not all about you….well, not in the way you think. 

We are all born with a certain set of basic needs. Then, through a mixture of upbringing, personality and choices, we start to form agreements with certain thoughts or ideas, and those become the truths we live by. The thing is, those are your truths, and may not be mine. As soon as we start to see a person’s behavior, speech and ideas in isolation (i.e: according to their belief system they think this is right/wrong), we free ourselves from taking things personally. To take something personally is to admit that we all have the same belief system, agreements/thoughts – which is impossible. I say and do things that protect my needs, you say and do things that protect yours. OURS are different. To take something personally is to submit to someone else’s agreements (what they feel is right/wrong), and yet for the most part – you don’t.

It is an art to start to see people’s behaviour and words from where’s they came, and to not take them on as our own. By reflecting on why a certain person may have felt the need to behavior or act in such a way, you are able to free yourself up from self-judgment and make it ‘their issue and not yours’. I am not saying that everything everyone says should be said, but that’s their journey (their set of truths they live by) and it’s their responsibility to deal or challenge those beliefs; it’s not for you to take on.

My little month of ‘needs’ didn’t stop at “not taking things personally”, it went further, deeper. I was given access to a coaching tool that digs into the reason behind your frustration, anger, disappointment, PROBLEM and I have seen incredible results through using this tool with clients and on myself…but that is for next week 

J

May you be empowered today, to see each set of actions or words spoken by both yourself and others, as mere expressions of their/your personal agreements (thoughts) and thus not for anyone else to take personally. It is freeing, and I am working on it, alongside you.